MARRIAGE CONFLICTS
We’ve been married for fifteen years. I’ve been feeling very lonely lately because my husband is no longer interested in me. We aren’t the same people we used to be. Despite the fact that it is a love marriage, he is no longer the emotional support, my best friend, that he was at the start. I believe we have become separated somewhere between routine, our work, and our children. I’m not even sure if there’s a way out anymore.
- Do you find it difficult to communicate with your partner?
- Have there been a lot of fights recently?
- Do you have the feeling that something is missing?
- Are you undecided about whether to stay or go?
For those who have been or will be a part of it, marriage is a life-changing institution.
Each person may have different reasons for marrying someone, but both are affected internally as a result of the process.
It is a partnership between two people, including their families, mindsets, opinions, choices, likes/dislikes, pasts, and goals, to name a few.
Many things we hear about marriage from other people confuse, demotivate, or make us doubt the entire concept of marriage.
Here are a few things that we hear quite frequently:
- “Everything will be fine once you get married.”
- “Everything will fall into place for you.”
- “If not now, when?” says the narrator.
- “Your biological clock is ticking,” says the narrator.
- “You are getting too old, you won’t be able to find a good match.”
Other marriages or experiences may influence our decision to marry, but we must remember that each person’s experience will be unique.
Why should we be biased in expecting a smooth journey in our married lives when every situation has two sides?
The good part is that it can help us grow as a result of our experiences.
“Marriage is a PROCESS, not a DESTINATION,” says the author.
It is a task that must be completed at all times by both parties. Marriage stands on two shoulders, just like a bicycle has two tyres. It will never be able to survive on one-sided efforts. Because each person is unique, each bond, and thus each marriage, will be unique. As a result, people’s challenges would be unique.
When nothing else seems to be working, many couples turn to therapy as a last resort or a last ditch effort.It is a widely held belief that love is sufficient to overcome all obstacles in a relationship. Love is essential for a healthy relationship, but it cannot sustain the relationship on its own.Time, different priorities, loss of job, loved one, financial crisis, distance, emotional maturity, changing needs, and other factors can cause us to drift apart.
Because of our past experiences, unresolved insecurities, distorted patterns of thinking, relationship ideas, anger issues, and controlling behavior, we can love someone and still be toxic for them.We need to learn skills of open communication and conflict resolution for healthy relationships, which we are not taught about and mostly learn through trial and error while in relationships, which can be an uphill task on its own and one may face multiple challenges traversing the relationship journey.
Couples may be hesitant to begin therapy because it will require them to acknowledge the difficulties in their relationship. Some people are unable to recognize when things are going wrong for them and end up burying the issues until a major event occurs, such as a breakdown in communication, a decision to separate, cheating, or violence.
Relationship Problems: What Causes Them?
Criticism, verbal abuse, harsh, demeaning words, or a breakdown in communication can all be damaging to a romantic relationship.
Whether it’s introvert vs. extrovert, spendthrift vs. saver, religious beliefs vs. core values, or other fundamental individual differences, recurring conflicts can arise.
Uncertainty and doubts about one’s partner and married life can make one nervous.
Fulfilling expectations and providing the same support for the rest of your life can be exhausting in a love marriage. For example, the desire to be accepted by the new family in the same way that the partner was; the desire to be loved in the same way that one was before marriage; and the expectation of unwavering support from one’s spouse.
Adjusting to a new family with different traditions, roles, expectations, or values can be difficult for the partner who is trying to find love and acceptance, and forming a relationship with each individual takes time.
In addition, the family member’s partner may be required to strike a balance between spouse and parents.
Work Stress Frustration and work stress caused by a heavy workload or responsibilities may be directed at their spouse, resulting in fights and arguments.
When children enter the picture, they receive a lot of attention and time, so spouses are unable to focus on each other, meet their basic needs, or spend quality time together.
Understanding that spouses may have different ways of expressing love can be difficult. For example, one partner may express their love for their spouse through hugs and physical intimacy, while the other may express their love for their spouse through emotional intimacy and desires to spend quality time with their spouse.
Partners who come from dysfunctional families or have experienced traumatic events may experience emotional or mental setbacks that affect their relationships and marriage.
Career goals, emotional development, future planning, spiritual likeability, mental connection, and other goals may be on the minds of the partners. Also, because neither partner’s goals tend to be the same, accommodating these changes may be difficult.
Every person expresses and experiences love in their own special way. A miscommunication in love language can make one or both partners feel unloved and uncared for.
A betrayal and breach of trust can severely harm a relationship; however, rather than allowing this to be the end of the relationship, therapy can assist in giving the bond a new lease on life.
If left unresolved, anger outbursts, emotional volatility, smoking, porn, gambling, and masturbation tend to snowball into larger concerns, straining the relationship.
As previously stated, challenges can arise on various levels, including internal (partners’ feelings) and external (in-laws, work, etc.) challenges, all of which can be interconnected.
To address these issues, the couple can seek therapy so that both of them have access to an unbiased platform where both partners are heard, hold an equal position in the marriage, and have a safe space to express their feelings.
How couple Counseling can help?
The couple’s concern is understood during the session, and the reason for the quarrel, misunderstanding, or disputes can be revealed.
Both partners feel heard and understood during the session because the therapist acknowledges their difficulties. Time and effective listening are two tools that allow them to explore their concerns in a safe environment.
The therapist serves as a facilitator, allowing the partners to communicate through him or her in order to facilitate a conversation and a resolution.
The couple will be able to see their partners beyond their personal assumptions and interpretations.
So, what’s next ?
Therapy can help partners understand what is best for them individually and as a couple, and it can also help them move forward by deciding on a future goal.
Counseling Outcome
- Maintaining control over other aspects of life, such as work, family, social life, and personal time
- Knowing how to deal with future conflicts in a healthy way
- Individual and couple patterns should be recognized.
- Communication that is healthy
- Conflict resolution that works
- Having a better understanding of their partner’s requirements
- Improved emotional bonding
- Improved interpersonal abilities
- Learning to respect and love your partner and your relationship
- Appreciating oneself for dealing with the current situation and feeling empowered to deal with similar situations in the future